The secret to life…

Now there's a mouthful. Who hasn't wanted to know the secret to life?

Men much wiser than I have spent their entire lifetimes trying to figure this one out, to no avail. Has anyone actually found the answer?

But when all is said and done, the secret to life is simple. FInd Happiness. But just how does one do that?

A while ago I was bellyaching to one of my friends, as I too often do, about some problem or another. After he told me to stop whining, he pointed out my many character flaws, and then told me the secret to life and happiness.

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For all of my life I have been chasing something. I didn't know what it was until he explained "The Secret" to me.

For 50 years I have worked hard and done alright; I have lived a good life. My wife and I are healthy in our old age and we want for little. Most Americans would look at us and consider us very fortunate and very wealthy.

It seems like only yesterday that I met my wife, and in a whirlwind romance, we were married just 13 days after we met. (If it had been up to me, we wouldn't have waited so long, but my wife likes to take her time and think before she jumps.)

We ran off to Vegas and got back home the next day; I had to hit the ground running. Within a month we moved into a house my wife found for sale. (Back then one could just assume the seller's mortgage; it was very easy and very fast.)

The house was everything we wanted. Three bedrooms, two baths in a nice neighborhood and it was perfect. Until it wasn't. I thought I was happy, but in about a year, my wife and I wanted a slightly larger house in the country, with acreage, so we sold #1 and moved into house #2.

It was perfect and everything we wanted. Until it wasn't. We decided to move a little further away from the city. This process occurred over and over again for the next 4 decades; I was always longing for something new; something different; something better.

New cars, motorcycles, boats, airplanes, ATVs and toys of all descriptions called to me. My wife watched patiently and without complaint as a never-ending procession of big-boy toys came and went. She understood that I worked very hard and said I should buy whatever I wanted. Our family never went without and she saw no reason to curtail my wants.

The problem is that everytime something new caught my eye it consumed me. I had to have it. I researched, investigated and looked carefully into each new toy because that was the one that would make me feel happy. I just knew it. I associated the pleasant sensations I felt when I acquired a new toy with happiness. The problem is that I wanted to experience more of those pleasant sensations, which meant I was always chasing them. Over and over again.

I have now figured out that it's the dream of acquiring the next thing that gives me real pleasure, not the obtaining of it. Shortly after I bought that new, bigger boat or faster motorcycle or car, I couldn't remember why I wanted it so much, because a bigger, better, faster one was calling me from just over the horizon.

It took me a lifetime to understand what I was doing and what motivated me. It happened the day my friend told me this secret, and it's actually quite simple.

It's not about getting what you want. It's about wanting what you get.

I know it sounds simplistic, but it is true. Seldom does life allow one to get everything one wants, and that's a very good thing. Almost without fail, we get far less than we want.

I had to learn to be happy with what I had, and be happy with my lot in life. If you always yearn for the latest, newest, shiniest and bigger thing, you will be forever unhappy. Someone will always have something newer, shinier or bigger than yours.

Nowadays we all see people on Facebook showing off their perfect families, their perfect vacations and their perfect lives. These people post all these wonderful stories and photos generally because they're trying to convince others that they are happy. More often than not, it's a smokescreen.

Once I learned the secret, I learned to accept what I had and be happy with it.

I don't have the perfect life, but instead of worrying about what I don't have, I learned to appreciate what I do. My wife is a wonderful woman and she loves me for reasons I can't understand. My dogs think I can walk on water and my few good friends love me in spite of my many flaws. That's about as good as it gets.

I don't have that Supercar I've always wanted, but the cars I do have are most people's unattainable fantasy. At one point I wanted more acreage to live on, but I learned to be happy and grateful for where I now live. 99.99% of the world's population would die for what I have.

I can't say I don't slip from time to time, and fantasize about the new supercar I want, but I now know that all the fun is in the dream. If I suddenly got one tomorrow, I'd just want something else a month later, which wouldn't bring me happiness either. At least I now understand the way it works.

Sometimes I spend hours online hunting for my fantasy car, taking pleasure in the dream. Next week or next month I might dream about a McLaren or a Ferrari that I don't want to buy...I've learned that fantasies achieved are not near as much fun as the fantasy itself.

I still bellyache to my friends, and once in a while they tell me to shut up, and they're always willing to explain my shortcomings and flaws as long as long as I'm willing to listen. Apparently it's a long list. But life is good. I am happy with what I have and where I am in life right now.

My friend changed my life. I discovered the joy and happiness in wanting what I get. It's a nice feeling.