“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
“The problem . . . is that intelligent people are full of doubt, while stupid people are full of confidence.” Charles Bukowski
Every day I watch people. It’s like going to the zoo where all the animals can talk.
I wish I had a job where I had almost no interaction with people, because often times I have to ask myself “How did this person get out of bed and find their way here all by themself this morning”. Every day my wife has to tell me to calm down, because for the life of me, I cannot understand the stupidity of many of the people I see, and with whom I interact.
GROCERY STORES
Why are there always people who don’t understand that our entire society is based upon driving on the right side. They insist on pushing their cart down the left side of the aisle into oncoming traffic, running into the front of yours, and then looking at you like “what’s your problem?
Or the ones who come out of a side aisle and slam into the side of your cart, and are annoyed with you!
They pick up a nice juicy steak in the meat department and then change their mind a few minutes later and drop it in the underwear section of ladies wear, so it has to be thrown away when an employee discovers it, just because they’re too damn stupid and lazy to put it back where they got it;
Why is it that the fatter a woman is, the more likely she is to vapor-lock in the middle of the grocery aisle, blocking traffic in both directions, while she tries to remember why she came to the grocery store;
Or the woman in front of me that has to pick up and fondle. . . . each . . . and . . . every. . . apple . . . twice . . . to find that one that’s “just right.”
The guy who parks his car right in front of the door, blocking access, while he loads his groceries, because it’s inconvenient for him to push his grocery cart all the way to a parking spot like the rest of us;
DRIVING
How about the guy that passes you going uphill across a double yellow line, just to put on the brakes and turn right as soon as he gets in front of you?
The morons that drive down the road and throw their fast food packaging outside the window because everyone knows the Fast Food Fairy will come along and magically make the trash disappear.
The idiot who won’t move over when I’m driving Code 3 with a cardiac patient in the back, or who tries to race my ambulance.
I remember the first time I saw a driver move across three lanes of traffic to quickly make a sudden freeway exit. It was completely unbelievable that someone was so selfish they couldn’t just take the next exit, get back on the freeway going the opposite direction, then backtrack instead of putting everyone else near them at risk. Since then, this practice of suddenly cutting across multiple lanes to jump onto an exit ramp has become an all-too-common practice instead of something I see occasionally.
That woman in rush hour traffic who’s steering with her left knee while she’s looking in the mirror, holding onto her makeup with the left hand and putting on mascara or eyeliner, or something else with the other hand.
The other woman who has both feet on the dashboard while she drives down the highway using cruise control at 75 mph.
The old folks in the fast lane who just won’t move to the right lane, no matter how many people flash their headlights, honk their horns, flip ‘em off and pass on the right side.
How about when you’re in a line of 50 cars in a construction area, and there’s always that one guy that just has to pass one car at a time so he can move up from 47th place to 35th. Why? Is there a prize for the most dangerous jerk?
Or all the people who pass me going 85 mph across double yellow lines, just so we can all arrive at the traffic light in town at exactly the same time.
FAST FOOD
How about the incredibly stupid teenager behind the counter? They ignore you while they look at their phone or speak to other employees about last night, then eventually come to the counter and say “Do you want something?”
The same minimum wage earning rocket scientist. You tell them you’d like a Cheeseburger, large fires and Coke TO GO, and they ask you if if that’s for here or to go.
All the people pushing for fast food workers to make a living wage. Working at the burger place was intended to be a temporary job, not a living wage job. As soon as the McDonalds and Taco Bells of the world are forced to pay real money, they will simply invest in robots, then nobody will have a fast food job. Where will all those mop haired, rude teenagers work then?
OTHERS
The guy at Jiffy Lube who comes out and asks me why I’m there? Do people actually go to Jiffy Lube for any other reason than an oil change? “I’d like a cheeseburger, fries and a Coke.”
People who wave at my dog from across the street and say “Hi doggie” when I’m taking him for a walk.
Here’s one of my favorites. The woman who calls me to bid on a room addition. I spend all afternoon speaking to her, giving her ideas and finally I get back to her with a price. She is excited, but calls me back days later and says her husband told her they don’t need a pro; he can build it and get it done soon for a lot less money. (Ladies, trust me when I tell you that having a penis doesn’t make your husband a contractor, any more than being in a garage makes him a Cadillac.) Please, don’t fall for this one. Your husband will NEVER build that room addition, much less get it done soon, or do it for less. Please, trust me on this one.