Sorry, I’m too busy……

Benjamin Franklin once said “If you want something done, ask a busy man.”   Why is it that busy people are more reliable?  

Quite simply because work expands to the time allowed and everyone thinks they’re busy.  In reality, not so much.  It’s all about priorities and organization.   

If you want an example, look at an older retired person.  Before she died, my aged mother was always too busy to get anything done.  Too busy to go out with us for dinner or accompany us on vacation, and too busy to watch that special movie I bought her on CD.   If you listened to her, she was always so busy.   The reality is that she had no work, no deadlines, no projects, and nothing to do but sleep in, take naps during the day and play on her computer.   If spite of this , she honestly thought she was busy.

I just worked for 93 days in a row, averaging 12 hours per day. I worked Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years days.  I haven’t taken a vacation in 12 years.  I actually know what busy is.  Until COVID turned everything upside down, I ran my own business, worked a hundred plus hours a week in emergency medicine, attended college full time, and was building my own house. If I wasn’t too busy, what’s your excuse?  

Almost every one of my friends is so busy, they have no time to speak on the phone.   When I get the chance to ask, most, if not all, say they’re too busy to even call their parents.   News flash.  Unless you’re the President, and we’re on the verge of thermonuclear war and the end of life as we know it, you’re probably not too busy.

If I am responding to a medical emergency, I won’t answer the phone, but I’ll send one of those built-in text message that tells the caller “I can’t come to the phone, but text me if it’s an emergency”.  The same if I am in class, and I always call them back as soon as I can.   Any other time, if the phone rings, I answer it.   Why?  Because my friends are important to me, and the call may be important to them, so I answer.  Every time. They didn’t call me because they wanted to speak to me some other time. They wanted to speak right then.

When one of my friends answers the phone but says they’re too busy to talk, or in a meeting, I understand.   But when they never call me back, I understand that too.    I know they’re too busy to prioritize other things over our friendship.   When this happens over and over, II know that they’re just too busy for me.

I have a very good friend who’s always been too busy to talk.  He’s like a son to me. If he does answer my call, he always has to cut it short because he’s rushing to dinner, involved in a party, late for an appointment, or something else equally life-shatteringly important.  It’s just the way it is. .  He says he loves me, but he’s just always so damn busy. . . . .    

Two years ago, his house caught fire.   The inside was completely charred and smoke damaged and he had to move out.   The problem is that he didn’t know how to fix the house himself, and because he used some of the insurance proceeds for other things, he didn’t have enough money to pay a contractor to rebuild the house, so it sat boarded up for a year.  

Finally, he called me and asked for my help because the insurance company was shutting off his monthly rental allowance and he would soon have no place to live.   I am a licensed contractor, and am proficient in every single trade, so he knew that I knew what to do.   I agreed to put my own life on hold, and drive the 1300 miles to rebuild his house for essentially minimum wage.    I worked three months straight and when I left, he had a house he could live in.  With the money I saved him, he was able to pay off his $160,000 mortgage.   

What’s interesting is that this friend had almost ALWAYS been too busy to speak to me on the phone, but for the three months I worked on his house, he was NEVER too busy.   I could reach him anytime, anywhere, no matter what he was doing.  Why, because suddenly his needs were the top priority and I was filling those needs. 

As much as I love him, I was hurt, because it proved my earlier suspicion.    As a friend, I was not too busy to give him three months away from my life, my wife my family and my home, because he was important to me, but my calls were not very important to him.

So the next time you explain to a friend or your mother that you’re just so darn busy, perhaps you should be honest with yourself; that you’re just too busy for them.   Maybe you should step back and prioritize your life.   If that so-called friend is not that important to you, be candid enough to tell them.

Another thing.   Mothers are the greatest invention on the planet.  They were never too busy to change your diapers when you were a baby.  They were never too busy to cook your meals when you were a child, pack your lunches, or hug and comfort you when you needed it. Over and over and over; EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It’s time for a little Quid Pro Quo.

I have never met a parent who was not looking forward to a call from their grown child.  

Rearrange your busy schedule and call your Mother and/or Father right now.  And then do it every single day unless they ask you not to.  

One day you will wake up and your parents will be gone and it will be too late.

It’s about priorities.